She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
