ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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