I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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