he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
