Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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