glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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