just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
