Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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