ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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