So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
