She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
