I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ugly people sure do ruin things
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Randomize
