Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
