This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
