omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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