Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
