pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She's JV to your varsity
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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