I smell stomach acid.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
