I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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