a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
organizing the empties. That sober.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
