so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
