you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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