there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
