dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
