But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
