I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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