Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
