mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
