when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
