i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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