508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it glows. i had to have it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
