I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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