sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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