Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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