I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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