I miss vodka workout Fridays
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
