I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
ttyl tear gas
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
