a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
