help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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