He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
