I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
