I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
