I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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