Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
