I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
