She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
