proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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