a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
