the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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