so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
