I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
