Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
