walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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