If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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