bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
