At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
