whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
