i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
