I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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