someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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