My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
