My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We got so high we made milksteak
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We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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