I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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