Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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