i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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