so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
