I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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