apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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