I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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