Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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