i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
