Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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