i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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