wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
