My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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