my sisters under your porch take her home
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my shit smells like andre
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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