Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
