i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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