I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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