if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
