Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
